If you are reading this article, there is a very good possibility you have a family. And, there is a very good possibility you go to a church. Both of these institutions, the family and the church, are listed in the title.
Given that, I want to ask you to honestly consider a couple of questions. Why do you take your family to church? What is your motivation? Is there something that you desire to see the church do for your family, specifically your children? And, if so, how do you expect that to happen?
As Christians, we desire to see our households growing in grace! We want our children living for Jesus! As the Apostle John said in 3 John 4, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.” To this, I say, “Amen and amen!” But if that is the case, let me address a sin that has been with the church since the fall of Adam – the sin of familial hypocrisy. We are a group of hypocrites – and we refuse to admit it.
I may have lost a few with that statement; but, friends, please hear me out. When we say we want to see our families changed by the power of the Gospel; when we say that we want to see our children walking in the truth; why is it that we hide our sin, and our children’s sin, from the ones who may be able to help – the officers of Christ’s church.
One of the things I learned early on in ministry is this – folks don’t like surprise visits from the pastor. People want a little notice, a little time to straighten up the house, to make sure the “right” books are out on the coffee table, to make sure that dad and mom are at peace with one another, and to make sure all the children are in their color coordinated outfits and sitting in an age ordered row.
Then there are some who try to dress up their sin—who strive to hide household conflicts or areas of ungodliness in their lives. They hope that if everyone smiles enough the pastor won’t notice.
With all this prep work out of the way, the pastor is then told how much everyone loves the church, the worship, and, of course, the sermons. This façade lasts until the pastor leaves – and then everyone returns to business as usual.
But does this help anyone? Does this approach lead to generational faithfulness? Are we teaching our children to embrace the Gospel of Jesus when we effectively teach them to lie about who they really are – and, who we really are?
The answers are obvious. Our children are weakened. And so are we. Instead of reflecting the beauty of the Gospel, we are teaching our children to be Pharisees—whitewashed tombs.
Why do we put on our holy masks instead of seeking help from the church? There are many possible reasons. One is that we are afraid what our friends might think. If we allow the pastor to know how sinful we really are, perhaps he won’t like us. Or we possibly think that pastors really can’t help anyway.
We’re not doing ourselves or anyone else any favors by pretending our children are perfect. We’re not fooling anyone either—at least no one that counts.
Jesus has gifted His church with officers called elders to assist us all in our Christian growth. They are to be there to teach us, to pray for us, to correct us, to instruct us, to pray for us, and to comfort us. And yet, like the man who would ignore the symptoms of a dangerous disease by refusing to see a doctor, we often choose to ignore the terminal sin in the heart of our son or daughter, or in our own heart, and pretend it doesn’t really exist.
Friends, what is this teaching your children? Do you believe they are blind to your tendency to cover-up and camouflage the real issues and problems in your home? Can you not see that by your behavior you are teaching them to become deceptive hypocrites themselves? They are learning from you that Christianity is not really about transformed hearts, but about a shiny image. They see you more worried about the outside of the cup rather than the inside. Therefore, they will either embrace a similar empty faith – or they will run from it completely, preferring the consistently “dirty cup” over the white washed fake one. In the end, your children will become embittered toward you and embittered toward the faith.
Are you availing yourselves of the full ministry of the church—seeking to bring our children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord? Are you praying with them and for them? Are you teaching them the beauty of the Christian faith from God’s Word? And are you setting an example of Christian godliness before your children? This would include asking their forgiveness when you sin, and trusting in the advice and counsel of the elders of your church.
Friends, many of us claim to be Christians, but do we really live like it? I encourage you to ponder these words; and, if you find that you have fallen short, go to the Throne of Grace, seek Jesus today. Ask Him to change you, and then watch how He polishes your cup—from the inside out.
And to make it legal, the opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of the other elders or members of Providence Church.
Thank you for writing this article. It’s making a difference.